


A Graceful Exit

by StarTravel



Series: Defiance Through Tenderness [21]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Does it Count as a Breakup if Nothing’s Defined, Emotional Hurt, Introspection, POV Julian Bashir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:27:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: Julian’s excited to finally go home to Deep Space 9, but confused about where he and Garak stand. Garak never is.





	A Graceful Exit

It’s two weeks after they arrive back on the ship when they regain Deep Space 9. Julian feels almost breathless with relief as he packs, already picturing his lab and all the projects he left behind. He’s sure whatever Cardassian doctor who stole his lab has moved everything around and put tools in the wrong place, that it will take hours to set things right. But even that makes Julian smile just a bit too widely, because he’s _getting_ the chance and isn’t that what matters?

 He just wishes that Garak felt the same way. Garak’s been impossible to read - well, more so than usual - ever since they got back from Risa. Some nights have been spent making love in whatever free time Julian has, their bodies gliding together and their voices a low whisper. Other nights he barely even touches him. And conversation has slowly faded from their relationship, Garak teasing him less and less and ignoring more and more of Julian’s attempts to rile him up. He feels a bit lost.

 Julian bumps Garak’s shoulder with his own and then leaves it there so they’re pressed together, Garak’s body a solid weight against his own. Garak makes no move to touch him in turn. Julian wonders if that’s some kind of Cardassian social custom, that one only shows their lover affection in bed.

 That doesn’t match up with his behavior prior to them sleeping together, but maybe that less sexual romantic contact is reserved for friends. God knows Cardassians were too private for that to be Federation knowledge. “We’re going back, I’m so excited. It got to the point where I was even starting to miss Quark a little.”

 “And I’m sure he’s missed charging your tab interest.” Garak smiles at him, wide and with just a few too many teeth showing as he meticulously folds another of his shirts. There’s a teasing quality to his voice, though there’s something off about it that Julian can’t quite place. Julian watches his hands move over the material with a preciseness that reminds him of the way they’ve cupped his jaw or traced the inside of his thighs.

 “I’ll have you know I always pay on time.” Julian scoffs as he elbows Garak, gaze twinkling as he twists around so he’s between Garak’s like of vision and Garak’s red velvet shirt. Garak lets out a low huff, shaking his head and pressing his ridges together. Julian just keeps smiling, tone fond as he pictures his room on the ship, cold and barren but _his._ “And it will nice to be back in a bed that’s at least pretends to be comfortable.”

 “Yes, that _is_ the the part of this ordeal that’s been hard for you.” Garak tuts as he carefully pats the top of his shirt, smooth and somehow wrinkle free despite the material. Julian wonders idly if there’s anything Garak’s bad at and if he’ll get the pleasure of finding out someday. Garak turns to him, gaze suddenly analytical. “You’ll have to get used to sleeping in a smaller one again though. The ones in your quarters hardly have enough room for you to stretch out like a lobster.”

 “The ones in couples’ quarters do.” Julian murmurs in a low voice before he can stop himself, wrangling his hands and looking anywhere but at Garak. He’s never asked someone to move in with him before, not even Palis. And Garak just had on the Defiant before they were anything. He thinks they should solidify _something. “_ Garak, when we get back I was wondering, what are we going to do about this?”

 Garak raises an eye ridge as he turns his gaze towards Julian. Julian swallows a little and gestures at Garak and then the bed, but Garak cruelly decides to keep his face carefully blank even though they both know there’s no way he missed Julian’s meaning. Garak’s voice is almost irritatingly pleasant when he next speaks. “This?”

 “Us sharing quarters.” Julian can’t quite keep the exasperation out of his voice as he throws his hands out. He reaches one out toward Garak while the other presses against the side of his head to run through his hair.

 Garak smiles at him placidly as he leans over to zip his bag. Julian crosses his arms and leans against the side of their makeshift bed. He wonders if they should maybe put it back together before they debark, but the small part of him that’s sentimental doesn’t want to. Garak finally turns his gaze to him, no emotion Julian can easily read in his expression. “There’s hardly a space problem on Deep Space 9, Doctor.”

 “No, but I’ve gotten used to sharing my bed with someone. I don’t know how I’ll sleep without the weight of a warm body next to me.” Julian answers with a wicked smirk, even as the nerves in his stomach start to slide up his esophagus. It’s entirely possible that he’s misread their brief time on Risa and over the past two weeks, that Garak wants to take things slowly.

 Julian … he’s been thinking about sex with Garak since the first time he saw him and has been in love with him since the incident with the wire. Slow has never been apart of it. But he’s not even sure how long Garak’s cared about him, if it extends past their time together on the Defiant at all.

 “I’m sure you can find plenty of willing partners, Doctor. You are very handsome.” Garak assures him, tone teasing but also utterly indifferent as he picks up his bag. Julian swallows tightly and feels something hollow growing in his chest. Garak could just be trying to wind him up, he knows that intellectually but - somehow this feels different than their other arguments.

 Julian lets out a low exhale as he brings one hand up to rest on Garak’s shoulder. Julian carefully keeps his hands far away from the ridges along his neck, giving his … well, what he thought was his a beseeching look. “Garak.”

 Garak gives him a smile that reaches nowhere near his empty gaze. There’s a hint of tension around his eye ridges and for a moment Julian almost thinks he might be having second thoughts. About him or about this, Julian’s not sure. But then Garak grasps his hand and carefully pulls it off of his shoulder, touch as empty of affection as Julian’s is with his patients. Garak drops his hand by his side and lets go of it. “This arrangement always had a time limit. We both knew that.”

 “How much of it?” Julian’s voice comes out testy as his hands start to shake, something tremulous building in his chest. Julian closes his eyes and picks up his bag, feeling the ship shake slightly as they start to connect to Deep Space 9. An hour ago he was thrilled to be home. Now it feels a bit like a weight he doesn’t want to bear now that he’s finally gotten free of it.  

 “We’re docking. I know Vic Fontaine must have missed you, you and the Chief should go catch up with him.” Garak’s voice is practically frigid this time as he walks toward the door to their room. Julian tries to memorize each muscle and line of his back, of the way he holds his shoulders. “Goodbye, my dear.”

 There’s nothing dear in Garak’s voice and he’s gone before Julian can think of anything else to say. Just like that, he’s alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, please let me know if you think anything else needs to be tagged!
> 
> I know I got a lot of parts out pretty quickly, but there will probably be a bit of a lull. I have two paths of where this series goes after this section, and it depends on me figuring out how I think Garak feels about Julian, which has always been a struggle haha. 
> 
> Questions and comments are appreciated!


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